The Rabbit Room Announces a New AI Model: RAB-GPT

Meet RAB-GPT

In an effort to remain at the cutting edge of an ever-changing art world, the Rabbit Room is proud to announce our greatest achievement yet: RAB-GPT, our custom generative AI model.

That’s right! Through the miracle of quantum entanglement, artists of every stripe no longer need to worry about the messy, fraught, open-the-vein work of birthing their creative vision. Now, RAB-GPT can take those burdens from you while you enjoy a much-earned rest. (After all, season 48 of Survivor isn’t going to watch itself, am I right? 😉.)

RAB-GPT Uploaded Into All Rabbit Room Press Books

Now all books published by Rabbit Room Press will come equipped with a voice-activated, semi-sentient AI “reading buddy.” Don’t want to dog-ear that precious copy of Every Moment Holy Vol. 3? Not a problem. RAB-GPT will remind you where you left off. Don't want to actually READ that book you just bought? RAB’s got you covered. Just pop the attached dongle into your brainplug and RAB will upload the contents directly into your memory. You don’t even have to turn a page! Thanks, RAB!

(*brainplug sold separately)

Of Course It’s Not Safe (But It Is Good!)

Premium-tier users can unlock “Not A Tame Lion” mode, enabling a suite of extra “deep magic” features accessible with voice commands like:

• “Hey, RAB… compose me a lo-fi 8-hour sleeptrack interspersed with evocative, yet obscure references to Hopkins but sung by feechiefolk.”

• “Hey, RAB… Will you make sure I get tickets to Hutchmoot this year?”

• “Hey, RAB… I thought a phoenix was supposed to appear in my coffee. Why isn’t that working? Am I reading the liturgy wrong?”

• “Hey, RAB… What does the ‘A. S.’ in A. S. Peterson stand for?”

• “Hey, RAB… My friends are talking about the poem Inversnaid but I have no idea what that means. What is a windpuff-bonnet of fáawn-fróth?”

• “Hey, RAB… I’m sleepy. Drive my car.” [Then attach book to steering wheel.]

Want to Call RAB Something Else?

Is RAB too “corporate” a name for you? Need something “earthier” and more “literary” to satisfy your Enneagram Four “sensibilities”? RAB also answers to any one of these pre-loaded names:

• “Hey, Clive!”

• “Hey, Tollers!”

• “Hey, Kvothe!”

• “Hey, Skynet!”

• “Hey, Balrog of Morgoth!”

*Alternative naming packages available for purchase.

Custom Liturgies with RAB-GPT

We’ve been having a lot of fun playing with RAB in the Rabbit Room office these days. Here are excerpts from a few great new liturgies it’s cooked up for Every Moment Holy Vol. 4.

A Liturgy for When the Coffee is Weak but You Must Drink It Anyway

"O Lord, thou who turned water into wine, 
surely thou couldst have strengthened 
these feeble beans?

May this bitter brew, though lacking 
in boldness, yet fulfill its purpose 
in bringing clarity to my mind 
and warmth to my hands. 
And if not, O Lord, may thy mercies be new—
and thy coffee stronger—on the morrow..."

Liturgy for Those Dealing With Overactive Toddlers Early in the Morning

"O Lord of boundless patience, 
who neither slumbers nor sleeps—
unlike thy servant, who deeply
wishes to do both, 
grant me strength in this
my hour of need.

Meet me in the immediate bankruptcy 
of my moral fiber as the children 
thou has given me begin already
their daily work of joy and chaos.

MOMENT OF NOISE IS KEPT..."

A Liturgy for When Your Belt Loop Catches a Door Handle and You Are Already at Rock Bottom

"Good God... sustainer of the weary,
liberator of the captives,
friend of those hoisted on their own petards—
do you see me here?
I was once moving forward,
perhaps not with joy, nor confidence,
but at least with motion,
yet now I am snared, caught, and wedged 
in this ungainly spot. I must ask:
Is this really necessary?
Is this the best version 
of your sovereign plan?
Seriously?
Come, merciful God, unhoist me swiftly..."

A Liturgy for When You Wave at Someone Who Was Actually Waving at Someone Else

O Lord, I stand here, frozen 
in the no-man’s-land between 
confidence and shame. 
Grant me, O God, the swiftness to transform 
this errant wave 
into an elaborate hair adjustment, 
a casual sleeve tug, 
or a sudden interest in the sky above. 
May my heart be light, 
my shame be fleeting, 
and my next greeting be rightly aimed..."

Stay tuned for more exciting updates as we prepare to launch RAB -GPT later this summer. Sign up here to be a beta tester and try RAB before anyone else.